Wednesday, March 11, 2015


You know how some people say "She doesn't have a mean bone in her body"? No one has ever said that about me. Ever. I used to wish I could be that kind of person. I thought maybe it was something that came with being a "big girl"...I'd be the person folks said had no mean bone.

I think I've outgrown those expectations. Sort of.

Except the mean thing. I can't stand the idea that anyone thinks I'm mean.


I can deal with all that stuff...those are all passive attributes. But mean? Hateful? Those are active feelings. I have too many other crazy thoughts in my brain to be consciously spiteful. There's a whole lotta thoughts.

Friday, February 13, 2015


"Helpless, helpless, helpless 
Baby can you hear me now? 
The chains are locked and tied across the door, 
Baby, sing with me somehow" 

 I love Neil Young... 

 What is there to be done with a 16 year old, love sick boy? 

He is helpless. 

Short of slapping him upside the head, what the fuck is a mother to do? 

Share my dating history? It's not much of a history...I didn't date in high school. Or, well, I sort of did. As soon as a boy liked me back, I ran scared. Like, literally...I hid in a stairwell from the boy who took me to my first homecoming dance as a freshman. Sophomore year I called my date a week before the dance and told him I didn't want to go. 

My college dating experience wasn't much better. The boys I dug didn't dig me back. The boys that dug me must've had something wrong with them.

Do I share the couple years after college? When I was supposed to have it worked out? The guy who owned one album? The guy who stole my stuff?

Maybe the one who finally broke me. The one who beat me up. The relationship that took me where I never, ever thought I'd go.

All my boys know is the relationship I have with their father. 

How do ya' break it to a 16 year old who knows everything that this's wonderful, but it's just not. 

What's your name?
Who's your daddy?
Is he rich like me?
Has he taken anytime
To show you what you need to live?

- The Zombies.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


1. Your child does NOT have a panic disorder. He does NOT hyperventilate and have a tummy ache because of the stress of school. He's almost 18 and freely admits that he's been 'cheating' since Jr. High and doesn't "do" school work. A real panic attack won't result in punching a cinder block wall. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he was "that kid" who threw a temper tantrum in the check out aisle when you said "No" to the pack of gum he wanted....and then you broke down and BOUGHT THE GUM when he started banging his head on the ground. Thanks for that.

2. When your kid doesn't show up for school for a couple days and I call you to report the absence I will leave a message. It's a bad idea to look at your cell phone and dial back the unfamiliar number...I have caller i.d. It's also a bad idea for your kid to tell me that you lost your phone over the weekend...because you just called me back...on your lost cell phone.

3. It's a bad idea to post a picture of yourself chugging from a handle of Captain at about 9 PM and then have your dad call you in late saying you're having trouble waking up this moring...and oh, by they way, you have court today. Then show up at school "after court" and ask me if I have any Tylenol.

4. Yes, I can see that you are very mature for your age and can't be bothered with the drama at your high school. I also think the story of how your boyfriend proposed is very, very sweet. I'm not real sympathetic when your mom calls and says your going to be late to school (for the 325th time) because your sad and have stomach troubles. Your tummy seemed fine 3rd hour when you were laying atop a classmate...and 5th hour when you were nose to nose with another classmate....and 6th hour when.....nevermind....

5. Mom? Dad? I know you love your children and only want the best for them. It is hard for a lot of us parents to keep up with current trends. Often our kids seem so far ahead of the curve when it come to current culture. But, really, your kids are NOT your friends. They are NOT your equals. They are children. And often, when they act out, they are really BEGGING for boundaries.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dear Band Director

First, I'd like to thank you for all you do. I know you work hard. I also feel certain that when you decided to become a High School band director, you knew what you were getting into.

Having said that, I'm kinda pissed off at a couple things my son has share with us. First, the notion that you are directing an "elite" band and therefore can turn away potentially talented musicians speaks more to your inability to foster a love of music than a student's lack of ability.

Second, during marching season (pretty much from April to October for drumline parents) our world revolves around getting to and from private lessons, drumline camp, band camp and competitions. Forgive us if, once concert band season rolls around, our enthusiasm for concerts every 6 weeks wanes. Don't tell your musicians that you're disappointed that more parents don't come to concerts.

Third, while I chose to give more of my time than money, I have given both generously (I think). I wrote my son's band fee for almost twice the amount we had to because I knew I wouldn't be able to volunteer as much as others. Additionally, I gave cash to the band camp snack/water lady instead of buying the wrong kind of energy drink (as I did last year only to be told they didn't want what I had purchased). My $50 was never acknowledged.

When I show up at a competition, I always find the band and help shine shoes, check pant hems, and otherwise help out where it's needed...and I've never gotten a thank-you or even an acknowledgement.

So, screw you. You aren't going to build a band program without the help of parents. Your band boosters should have someone designated as a greeting for parents who show up on the fly to help. Instead your boosters act like a big elite clique and do nothing to invite others into their inner circle.



Saturday, January 21, 2012


School bullying is a problem, to be sure. It's always been a problem and I'm grateful for the attention and action that the issue has been paid.

I've been on the receiving end of a bully or two - I was a band nerd, wore braces and was on the speech team for god sake. I taught Deaf and Hard of Hearing kids for many years and helped my special education students confront peers (and their parents)after having been bullied. And I have two children with hemophilia. I may not be an expert on the finer points of assholes, but I've certainly navigated (and helped others navigate) the terrain.

What concerns me is this over-saturation and use of the term among adults to describe interactions with other adults. Otherwise normally functioning adults. (As opposed to spousal abuse, neighbors intimidating other neighbors, phone harassment, etc...)

Obviously there are adults who attempt to use bullying tactics, coercion, intimidation and aggression as a means to and end. However, I think adults need to be very cautious when using such language against one another; it dilutes the severity of true bullying and harassment, especially among school age children.

In researching the definition of bullying I've found the term to include: "To use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants" (wiki) and "the act of being habitually cruel to others who are weaker". (Meriam Webster)

There it is. Bullying, by definition, means that one person is exerting power/strength/coercion, etc.... (physical, mental, emotional) to intimidate another.

I can think of several scenarios where this can happen between adults. Certainly.'s become a buzz-word. We are all hyper-vigilant and sensitive to the issue. As such, invoking the word instills fear and defensiveness.

Piss off a coworker? Tell her she pissed you off? You're a bully.
Exclude a coworker in an after-work event? You're a bully.
Disagree vocally with a co-worker? Bully.
Share concerns about one co-worker with another co-worker? Stop bullying.

Adult disagreements have become a minefield, especially in the work place! After all, if I accuse someone of bullying me and my superiors do nothing to remedy the situation, I might sue them. But just because I've tossed that accusation out there, doesn't make it true.

There are quite a few people who might not play well with others. We may be abrasive. We may even lack tact and finesse. Some of us may wear our hearts on our sleeves and be rather opinionated. Our boundaries might be a bit fluid.

This does not mean we are malicious or have ill intent. Many of us are all too aware of our character flaws and that is why we may come off as 'prickly' or 'aloof'...better to keep folks at arm's length lest we be misunderstood. Some of us may even try to apologize when we realize that we have (yet again) inflicted hurt or caused misunderstanding.

Bandying about the word "bullying" makes us ALL less sensitive to those who are truly being victimized.

Not to mention the fact that calling someone you don't get along with or disagree with a bully gets in the way of you putting on your big girl panties, throwing down a shot of Jack and getting over your damn self.

Friday, January 13, 2012

You Suck

That's all I can say sometimes.

You suck as a person, you suck as a co-worker, your probably suck as a friend.

How is it possible that you can suck the life, spirit, and drive out of kids who've already been through more than you can begin to fathom.

Shame on you.

What's worse?

It's worse that you don't even know how much you suck.

(That did feel pretty good)

Sunday, January 8, 2012


I need to start again. Too many thoughts stuck in my brain.

I've avoided writing because locally I'm not anonymous. How can I bitch about work when I know there are people who know where I work? How can I bitch about family when some of them know I blog? How can I be candid about personal stuff when the 4 people who read my blog who know how to find me?

I guess that's the price I'm going to have to pay for being famous. And maybe that's my problem. To assume that my words are read or intended for an audience defeats my purpose. Ego. Pride. Boo me.

As I sort through my thoughts today in an attempt to get back to writing for the joy of writing and the release I feel when I to a verbal vomit, I come back to my disappointment in myself.

There have been so many hemophilia related issues over the last couple years that I haven't shared. I've had issues related to my own hemophilia that I haven't shared. My kids have hurdled several milestones (hemophilia and otherwise) that I haven't shared. I've read some great books and met amazing people across the country. I've neglected important personal relationships.

I've neglected myself. My writing. My health. My profession. My friends.