Wednesday, December 9, 2009


If you choose the "20 Items or less" lane, you don't get to ask the cashier to "check the price" on 27 items and THEN only buy 20.

If you are married to me and we are taking turns getting up an hour early to take one of our children to early band practice? When it's MY turn to get up an hour earlier, don't get up too. The idea of taking turns is that the other person gets to sleep. If you don't care about sleeping, you should get up early each time. Otherwise, I feel really resentful that you are soooo not taking advantage of that extra hour or so. Cuz I totally would.

If you are my student and you know that I have a strange neurosis about repetitive noises...and I've explained that I know it's neurotic and I can't help it ( just like you can't help chewing your pencil, taking your pens apart, drawing on your paper, humming a tune, listening to your MP3 player, clearing your throat, readjusting your junk in the middle of class) I hope you will grant me the same margin of error I grant you. If you can't, DON'T THROW A FIT WHEN I TAKE THE PENCIL YOU KEEP TAPPING AWAY FROM YOU. (besides, I'm the one who GAVE you the pencil because you never have one of your own)

If you are my new artificial Christmas tree? You should not keep eating lights. I keep buying mini-lights for you and you still aren't covered. I know that you have come into the family of over the top lights on trees, but 3 days and 6 hours of doing lights is a bit much.

If you are my children? You can't wear a stocking cap in the house anymore. When you do, you remind me too much of a student with whom I spend too much time. Also, after 11 and 13 years of this routine, you should totally have it down. Don't whine. Don't badger. Give me a kiss when I ask for one. Snuggle with me on demand. And vacuum.

If you are my friend? Thank you.

If you are my family? I'm sorry. (Ya'll don't really have a choice.)

No comments: