Friday, April 25, 2008

Why I Should Live in the Country

Well, first, I should live it the country because I'm not really all that fond of people. That sounds really bad. I like people...I like the people that I like. I just don't like a LOT of people.

Or having to wave to the neighbors when I go get the mail. Or having to make small talk with the lady who walks her dog night and day. Or the guy across the street who leads his dog out to poop in the gutter and then kicks it into the storm sewer. Or the weird uber-Christain lady whose kids show up wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of July wondering if they can come in my house and play. My boys always make me answer the door.

I also don't like feeling obligated to make my yard look nice and pretty like all the other yards in my subdivision. We don't use a yard fertilizer spraying service. We are one of the few on our block that don't use one. I don't think it's a good thing to have my kids running around in a yard with little white flags saying "we just poisoned this grass, keep all living things off it". My dogs bark at the lawn sprayer guys if they show up next door...I worry that they will spray my dogs with icky spray. And I have one dog who does not need any other things making him retarded.

I'd really like to have chickens. I'd like to raise chickens and have my own eggs. I think chickens are cool. And if I want my chickens to lay eggs, I need a rooster. And I don't think neighbors would dig having a rooster next door.

I would like to have woods and lots of places for my kids to roam. They need to explore. And they need to be far away from me while they do it. Far, far away.

I really would like to own a tractor. I don't know why. I just think a big red, rather old-fashioned tractor is pretty cool.

I would like to have a barn. I always wanted a barn when I was a kid.

I would also like a tire swing and/or porch swing. My subdivision does not really have any trees that were here before, say, 1997. One cannot affix a tire swing to the limbs of a 10 year old maple tree. It looks stupid and it's not very safe.

Whenever there's anything good to see, my neighbors' houses are always in the way. I want to look out of my windows and just see open space. That way if anything exciting happens, I'll see it coming.

I also like old stuff. Old stuff gets dirty but it looks cool because it's old. I like to decorate my flower beds with weathered picket fence, rusted tools....that whole thing. This does not fit into a 10 year old subdivision. I don't know if the neighbors appreciate my aesthetic.

These are all the reasons why I want to live in the country. If you know of anyone who has a place in the country, preferably with some woods and a stream and/or pond that they'd like to trade or give me, please let me know.

When I do finally live in the country, don't worry, I'll invite you all to visit me. Just not for very long.


Michael said...

Look before you leap! I can agree with almost all that you said, but there are a few things you left out. When you run out of milk, bread, whatever ... it is a longer drive to go get it. In fact everything is farther away. You get snowed in ... seriously ... for days. When the power goes out, you're the last to get it back on again. Same thing if the telephone dies. Sometimes the well runs dry. Ponds and creeks can breed mosquitos, lots of 'em. We just got broadband 3 years ago, lots of places still have dial up. UFO means Unidentified Farm Obstacle (usually driving 5 mph). Hunting season: You may have to wear an orange vest to hang clothes on the line.

We have lived here almost 20 years and wouldn't trade it ... but there are some inconveniences.

My Flock Rocks! said...

I love living in the country! It's so quiet! It depends where you live...we aren't far from town so if you run out of beer, I mean milk, bread or what ever, it's not that long of a drive. People around here don't spray their lawns with deadly chemicals, but instead are out in the yards pulling weeds the old fashion way and getting exersise!
I Love it!

Jimi said...

Hens will actually lay eggs without a rooster. You'll never have nay chicks though, but the eggs still taste great. If I could get away with having them on the East Bluff, they'd be in my backyard right now.