Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sleeping Through the Night

I really thought it would happen by now. I thought that by the time my boys were 9 and 11 I could count on sleeping through the night every night. I was clearly mistaken.

Nobody told me that mothers have some sort of magnetic power that draws their offspring to the "Mom" side of the bed. Even if The Mom tries to switch sides, the offspring intuitively know it.

"Mom? Mom? Mom!"
"My tummy hurts."
"Do you have to puke?"
"What do you think I should do to help you?"
"I don't know."
"Let's get a drink of water, go to the bathroom and go back to bed."

Sleeping resumes.

"Mom? Mom? Mom!"
"I had a bad dream."
"C'mon, get in"
"No, I don't want to get in bed with you, you snore. I just wanted to tell you."
"O.k., thanks."

Sleeping resumes.

"Mom? Mom? MOM!" (this time from his bedroom, not 3 inches from my ear)
"Yes dear"
"I heard a noise"
"I think someone is in the house."
"Your dad locked all the doors before we went to bed."
"I still think there's someone in the house."
(In my head I'm saying 'well shut up, with all you're yelling, they're totally going to find us' but what I really say is:)
"O.k., I'll go check"
.......I wait a minute or two....
"Mom, I know you didn't get out of bed"
"O.K., I'm going"
Whereby I turn on a couple lights, knock around the house a bit and return to bed giving the all clear signal.

And then morning comes. I turn to my betrothed and say "how come they never come to YOUR side of the bed" and he says "Who?".

Yeah. He never even wakes up anymore.

WTF? I sure as hell don't remember waking my parents up for this bullshit. And if I did, my mom would have said something like "get you butt back in bed or I'm going to GIVE you a bad dream".

There are so many things they forgot to tell me when I signed my "Mom" contract.


steven edward streight said...
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Jennifer said...

Yes, my kids do the same thing, especially my son.

When they were little and I was a college student, I could be doing homework, my hubby could be watching football, and if they needed anything they still came to me. Just part of the mommy thing I think.

Most Prepossessing said...

So glad that you are coming to the stich n bitch. You don't have to bring anything other than yourself.

mama o' the matrices said...

umm. So the Man has been sleeping with the kids lately because they really DON'T sleep (dust mites, anyone?), and inevitably (thumpy thumpy thumpy) and a cheerful child or two trots right into the bedroom and pops in with me.

The Man never stirs. Come morning, he comes down the hall, mutters surprisedly to himself, and gathers up small bodies to feed them breakfast.

Dunno how he can sleep through it - I wake up at the first *thumpety* of little feet.